Big thanks to Nick Bizarro – I found Maruchan Texas Beef Ramen Noodle Soup on eBay a little while back and asked if anyone wanted to buy them (it was a 24 pack and I only wanted two) and he did!
So, what’s the big deal?
THE ALL TIME BEST PRISON RAMEN BURRITO IN THE WORLD! TEXAS BEEF!
The pack is clear to discourage smuggling contraband into prison – or, I suppose out of prison. You can only (usually) but these as a prison inmate. I contacted the distributor of these and they were incredibly uninterested and standoffish about getting samples to me.
“You can only purchase them from correctional facilities.”
“I have to be in a jail or prison to get them?”
“Yes.”
“But say I don’t want to go to prison?”
“Then you’re not going to get these varieties, sir.”
It was sheer luck that I got these when I did. It’s been a search going on for over 5 years. I’ve heard mention of Texas Beef many times and though ‘what are these people talking about?!’ Not only that, the distributor as well as the manufacturer are incredibly tight lipped and not forthcoming with info on these. But they exist and many people in prisons have them every day.
Here’s my attempt at making a prison burrito. It should be noted that the noodles would most likely be cooked in a bag rather than on the stove, but This is how I did it. Also, you can substitute Maruchan Picante Beef Ramen for these – Maruchan said in an answer to a consumer question I saw that they’re the same thing. Curious if anyone will try their hand at this and send some pictures! I think I foresee people with their prison ramen burritos posing with them proudly flashing the peace sign. Enjoy!
Finished (click to enlarge). Made with Maruchan Texas Beef Ramen Noodle Soup, Doritos Nacho flavor, Chee-Tos Flamin Hot, fried garlic, minced Slim Jim, Bufalo Clasica hot sauce, spring onion, and Easy Cheese – American. The flavor was decent and the texture was rather meaty. It reminded me of when we used to take microwave burritos and but them in a baking dish and dumped a can of enchilada sauce on them and baked in the over for 45 minutes. Amazingly orange and quite tasty to be honest!
The noodles are thick – more like ramyun. They have an alright chew; although they seem almost doughy- and not Hakata style ramen noodle doughy. The broth does taste of garlic and pepper, but it’s so very bland. It really is like you could boil some pepper and a clove of garlic and achieve the same results. Not at all to my liking. 
The noodles in this one were flat instead of round. They came out very nicely. The flavoring however was just strange. I expected maybe something of a Korean-Chinese fusion dish, but those are hearty and rich and not savory and sweet. In fact, this one was a little too sweet for me. The thinly sliced bamboo shoots don’t work for me either; leaving them whole would be nicer I think. What’s more, it has a kind of chemically aftertaste; like chlorine or soap. 
First, this is a lot of food. There’s reason for the warning on this pack. 700cc water and a few minutes cooking brings you a huge bowl of noodles. While in general that’s not a complaint, the flavor is. It’s violently spicy for starters. It does have a curry flavor, which at first glance is great. Then you have to taste it. You’d think all that water would dilute the sachet that comes with it but no dice here. Too much flavor and heat are the theme here, and it’s a bitter song to swallow. 
I was told by a guy from the company that this indeed was believed to be medicinal and helpful to women having their ‘time of the month.’ I’ve also been told by a reader that people generally don’t like black bone chicken soup even in China. Very slimy sweet potato noodles, thick, greasy broth and horrid veggies that didn’t hydrate well was just a flavor, texture, and complete food hole nightmare for me. This was just horrible stuff that I couldn’t stand. 
Oh yeah – I’m going there. Maruchan Ramen is pretty versatile as are most instant ramen varieties – and now you can live the dream with is recipe for Maruchan Ramen Burritos!
