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The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2016 Edition

A while back, somebody asked me if since I have top ten lists, what about a ‘bottom ten’ list? Well, when I was asked that, I was a little leery at first and then figured hey – why not. That’s what we have here. In it’s fourth iteration since 2013, here are my very least favorite varieties I’ve samples out over over 2,000 reviews. I should note that I see these often and so I’m sure many of you will disagree with me. It’s kind of crazy – some people get really offended at my picks. But these are my PERSONAL least favorite instant noodles; don’t take it personally… Geez… Without further ado, let’s dig in to The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2016 Edition!

A video version of this review.

#10: Western Family Beef Flavour Instant Noodles – Canada

After 3 minutes of cooking, the noodles weren’t very good at all. It’s like they had a film on the outside that just didn’t ring right in my mouth. The flavor of the broth was as bland as can be. It’s rare that I feel like I need to either dump salt or soy sauce into an instant noodle broth. There is no merit here. – Original review

#9: Thai Smile Mushroom Rice Noodle Soup Bowl – Thailand

The rice noodles didn’t hydrate as well as they should have in the 3 minutes called for; they were quite tough. After a minute or so longer however they got softer. The flavor was this oddly sweet kind of thing; it didn’t scream mushroom taste to me. The supplied bits of vegetable hydrated well, except the mushroom which were like hard pieces of wood. – Original review

#8: Paldo Green Tea Chlorella Noodles – South Korea

While this company makes some noodles I really enjoy, they also make this one which I deplore. It’s just got such a funky flavor to it and a smell I can’t take. Original review

#7: Fu Chang Chinese Noodle Company Pork, Seafood & Noodles Combo – United States

The noodles in this one were really mushy, and while it had a retort pouch with meat and seafood, it was really nasty. Original review here

#6: Maruchan Spicy Tomato Salsa Ramen – Japan

The noodles hydrated very nicely and have a standard flatness and thin character. The flavor was unfortunately something of a departure. It was a kind of spicy and putrid tomato melange – like homemade salsa left out overnight from binge drinking with a crew of chainsmokers – which just tastes like pure trainwreck. The bits of potato were interesting and hydrated well enough though – kind of liked that they had potato skins on. But yeah – this was just a fusion that should come undone. Original review

#5: Vedan Wei Wei A Instant Noodles Chicken Flavor – Taiwan

The noodles were very ho-hum. While they hydrated well, they seemed like they just didn’t belong in the ‘food’ group; spongy and riddled with sadness. As for chicken flavor, that was definitely absent. I was really happy about the vegetables, but they were mushy. Original review

#4: Koyo Reduced Sodium Garlic & Pepper Ramen – United States

The noodles are thick – more like ramyun. They have an alright chew; although they seem almost doughy- and not Hakata style ramen noodle doughy. The broth does taste of garlic and pepper, but it’s so very bland. It really is like you could boil some pepper and a clove of garlic and achieve the same results. Not at all to my liking. Original review

#3: Urban Noodle Authentic Street Food Black Bean – United Kingdom

The noodles in this one were flat instead of round. They came out very nicely. The flavoring however was just strange. I expected maybe something of a Korean-Chinese fusion dish, but those are hearty and rich and not savory and sweet. In fact, this one was a little too sweet for me. The thinly sliced bamboo shoots don’t work for me either; leaving them whole would be nicer I think. What’s more, it has a kind of chemically aftertaste; like chlorine or soap. Original review

#2: One Dish Asia Japanese Ramen Noodle – United States

This one comes with a fresh noodle pouch. They didn’t have a very fresh texture; more mushy. The bamboo shoots (which more resembled overcooked carrot and I had to consult the ingredients to figure what they were) were mushy as well. The broth had an acidic and a flavor reminiscent of the teriyaki flavor I’ve encountered in bad teriyaki instant flavors. A hot mess. Original review here

#1: Baijia Single Noble Black Bone Chicken Flavor Instant Sweet Potato Noodles – China

Here is my least favorite variety of all. Retaining it’s #1 ranking again this year, its slimy sweet potato noodles, thick, greasy broth and horrid veggies that didn’t hydrate well was just a flavor, texture, and complete food hole nightmare for me.. This was just horrible stuff that I couldn’t stand. Original review here

#476: Annie Chun’s All Natural Asian Cuisine Teriyaki Noodle Bowl

My sister got me this one and kindly brought it to me to check out – thank you! So I’ve never tried this brand before, so I guess we’ll have to see how it goes.

Two packets – veggies and teriyaki sauce. One thing – these packets are incredibly large compared to most of the packets I’ve seen in the past.

Here’s the veggie pack resting atop the fresh noodles. What you do is you put the noodles and veggies in the bowl and add a cup of water. Microwave for 90 seconds and then drain off the excess water. After that, put the teriyaki sauce in and stir it up.

Click image to enlarge. I added nothing to this product. Well, I appreciate the hookup sis, but man this stuff is below par! I was excited – the noodles are nice and fresh and the veggies were good looking – the front mentioned spinach and tofu, although I enjoyed the sesame seeds. The thing is that the teriyaki sauce was not very good – very lemony and acidic. I disliked it in the extreme and I feel it absolutely ruined everything. I’m bummed; a better sauce would’ve made this a four star noodle bowl, and sadly it will receive a 1.75 out of 5.0 star score from me. Truly disappointing, but maybe you like it. Find it here.

Annie Chun’s brand commercial.

Three dudes making teriyaki beef.

#385: Ve Wong Hot Of Hots Artificial Black Peppered Beef Flavor Instant Oriental Noodle Soup (Bowl)

So here’s another one of the ‘Hot of Hots’ I found recently. I really have no idea of what to expect with this one…

Powder on the left, thick paste on the right.

Hmm – not so sure about this. That thick paste smells awfully funky…

Click image to enlarge. Added two fried eggs. Well, the noodles were semi-okay, but the broth was weird and funky. After getting past the flavor and smell it was bearable. Long story short, it wasn’t very good. 1.25 out of 5.0 stars.

#174: Lucky Me! Instant Sotanghon Instant (Vermicelli Soup) Artificial Chicken Flavor

Again today I asked my lady Kit to pick a couple packs of noodles to eat. The first is this one.

A very small amount of noodles – in fact, only a cup of water is required to prepare them!

Some odd seasonings… Hmm…

Holy crap this stuff is gross (click image to enlarge)! First off, 60mg shy of 2000mg of sodium is just insane for such a small amount of noodles. The taste is way too strong for me and kind of piquantly pungent and very not my style. I don’t like it. I don’t like it. I don’t like it. I give it .25 out of 5.0 stars. Here’s the cup version.

#133: Baijia Hot & Sour Flavor Instant Rice Noodle

Okay so last time I have something by this brand I really didn’t like it at all. But maybe this stuff will be better. Hear the decree of the Ramen Rater! I fear no noodle! I use full flavor sachet! I am invincible!

So rice noodles. Kind of neat looking – like a little bird’s nest.

Three packets – full of flavor no doubt…

Wow. I mean could this stuff look any weirder? Thin black liquid from one, thick, oozing weird goop from another and some clumpy powder from the silver one…

Click image to enlarge. First off, the color is deep deep crimson. It’s rather striking actually, but that’s as far as positive strikes go from me. Noodles were slimy. Broth was greasy, tasted weird, had weird bits of seasoning that weren’t enjoyable at all, greasy, unenjoyable. Yeah – I’m not finishing the bowl – I’m giving it 0.0 out of 5.0 stars. Even with three packets, neat packaging and all, it’s absolutely nasty.

#128: MAMA Oriental Style Instant Noodles Artificial PA-LO Duck Flavour

Okay. Last time I had duck noodles was a long long time ago and it was Myojo’s hat in the ring. Now here’s MAMA’s duck flavor.

Goop, powder and chili flake.

Well there they are in the bowl waiting for the broth and noodles…

Click image to enlarge. Instantly the smell of oddness filled the room. My lady make a stink face immediately. The smell really repulsed me. I don’t like it. The noodles themselves were fine. The broth stunk and was way too salty. Now this isn’t me saying I’ve had duck and think it tastes nothing like duck – I don’t know what duck tastes like. I do know however that I don’t like this stuff and if it tastes like duck, then it’d be logical to surmise that I don’t like real duck. Had a kind of chemical-like overtone to it. I couldn’t finish it either. Whomever likes this stuff is out of my league as far as taste buds go. I’m giving this one a 0.1 out of 5.0 stars. The noodles were okay but the broth was repulsive. Get it here.

#538: Lucky Me! Instant Lomi (Seafood Vegetable) Instant Noodles Artificial Seafood Flavor

So I’m going to make a special dinner tonight for my lady and I – we’re gonig to have Nissin Chicken Top Ramen and Nissin Demae Ramen concurrently and review and compare both. Well, I thought hey why not have a small pack of this filipino ramen noodle stuff, I mean, I’m a little hungry so why not.

The noodles were humongous! I was very surprised!

The single gleaming silver packet was monolithic in stature and held a lot of powder.

A whole lot… I couldn’t help but wet my finger and dip it into it and have a taste…

So this is a hallway. I often walk out into this hallway or come home from somewhere with my lady and we both look at each other with this sort of disgusted ‘what the hell’ expression. This is due to a smell. A smell that I think comes from…

THIS (click image to enlarge)! As soon as I put the soup and noodle in and gave a stir, I felt a sort of retching feeling come over me. Then guess what? I went into the hallway and couldn’t smell the funky smell. Why? Because I think my nose was already full of it! Of course, I’m eating it. It’s like a lemon filet of sole with cream corn and Pine Sol melange that kicks you right in the sensory perceptors. Oh god.. . Okay so the noodles were interesting… Aside from that, too salty. Very Funyuns tasting. Ecch… Seafood taste but the wrong taste – the seafood that you don’t want thats left at ythe end of the day at the seafood counter at the bottom of the melted ice… To top it off the last little sips of broth were slightly gelatinous. 0.5 out of 5.0 stars and those 0.5 stars are for bizarreness and the fact that at least the noodles were interesting, what little of them there was. Wow. I mean really.  Someone around here really like it though.