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The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

So today it’s the fifth annual The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time. On my other lists, I exclude varieties that no longer are on the market. On this list, everything’s fair game for the bottom ten. As I say in the video presentation, if you like some of these, there’s nothing wrong with you – I just find these detestable personally. These are my least favorite varieties of the over 2400 varieties posted to date. Without gurther ado, the bottom ten.

The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The full list video!

#10: Roland Ramen Japanese Style Quick-Cooking Alimentary Paste With Chicken Artificially Flavored Soup Base – United States

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

Honestly, I expected this to be a kind of ‘run-of-the-mill’ variety. I review based on the base product as well as the provided cooking directions. Well, they call for 3 cups of water and they’re violently bland. In the nutrition facts, they mention that this pack contains 3 servings! I’m guessing this is so they can say the sodium level is low? I’m unsure. What I’m sure of is that I really disliked these. Original review

#9 – Sichuan Guangyou Sweet Potato Instant Noodle Braised Spicy Chitterling Flavor – China

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The sweet potato thread was alright, but very gloppy. The flavor was kind of brutal; indeed, too strong for me. I think the soup direction might have been better. What’s more, the powder sachet contents didn’t work well as the peas didn’t hydrate whatsoever. Original review

#8 – Maruchan Spicy Tomato Salsa Ramen – Japan

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The noodles hydrated very nicely and have a standard flatness and thin character. The flavor was unfortunately something of a departure. It was a kind of spicy and putrid tomato melange – like homemade salsa left out overnight from binge drinking with a crew of chainsmokers – which just tastes like pure trainwreck. The bits of potato were interesting and hydrated well enough though – kind of liked that they had potato skins on. But yeah – this was just a fusion that should come undone. Original review

#7: Vedan Wei Wei A Instant Noodles Chicken Flavor – Taiwan

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The noodles were very ho-hum. While they hydrated well, they seemed like they just didn’t belong in the ‘food’ group; spongy and riddled with sadness. As for chicken flavor, that was definitely absent. I was really happy about the vegetables, but they were mushy. Original review

#6 – Master Kong Artificial Abalone Crab Flavor Instant Noodle – China

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The noodles were alright – plentiful too. Nothing to write home about. What is to write home about is the flavor. Write a warning letter home! I mean this was just plain funky; seemed initially like a crab stick kind of scent and essence but it just turned into this not food kind of taste that I just couldn’t stomach whatsoever. Couldn’t pour this down the drain fast enough. Original review

#5 – Koyo Reduced Sodium Garlic & Pepper Ramen – United States

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The noodles are thick – more like ramyun. They have an alright chew; although they seem almost doughy- and not Hakata style ramen noodle doughy. The broth does taste of garlic and pepper, but it’s so very bland. It really is like you could boil some pepper and a clove of garlic and achieve the same results. Not at all to my liking. Original review

#4 – Urban Noodle Authentic Street Food Black Bean – United Kingdom

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

The noodles in this one were flat instead of round. They came out very nicely. The flavoring however was just strange. I expected maybe something of a Korean-Chinese fusion dish, but those are hearty and rich and not savory and sweet. In fact, this one was a little too sweet for me. The thinly sliced bamboo shoots don’t work for me either; leaving them whole would be nicer I think. What’s more, it has a kind of chemically aftertaste; like chlorine or soap. Original review

#3 – One Dish Asia Japanese Ramen Noodle – United States

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

This one comes with a fresh noodle pouch. They didn’t have a very fresh texture; more mushy. The bamboo shoots (which more resembled overcooked carrot and I had to consult the ingredients to figure what they were) were mushy as well. The broth had an acidic and a flavor reminiscent of the teriyaki flavor I’ve encountered in bad teriyaki instant flavors. A hot mess. Original review here

#2 – Baijia Single Noble Black Bone Chicken Flavor Instant Sweet Potato Noodles – China

The Ramen Rater's Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

I was told by a guy from the company that this indeed was believed to be medicinal and helpful to women having their ‘time of the month.’ I’m also been told by a reader that people generally don’t like black bone chicken soup even in China. Very slimy sweet potato noodles, thick, greasy broth and horrid veggies that didn’t hydrate well was just a flavor, texture, and complete food hole nightmare for me. This was just horrible stuff that I couldn’t stand. Original review

#1 – Dr. McDougall’s Vegan Pad Thai Noodle Soup – United States

Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2017 Edition

Wow – where do it begin. Well, first off when one in the United States thinks of Pad Thai, they think of what they might find at a domestic Thai restaurant. Okay so the rice noodles came out nicely – short, flat and broad and well hydrated. Now for the broth. Thin. Nothing like pad thai. Has a little lime taste and a kind of herbed taste. The floating bits of tofu are a lot like the marshmallows you get in the hot chocolate that comes with marshmallows. This is as far from pad thai as I can even express in words. It’s like someone gave a broken description of pad thai to someone who has short term memory problems and no taste buds a week prior and told them to make it. I kind of feel personally violated and offended. A new #1 on the Bottom Ten. Original review

The Ramen Rater’s Top Ten Weirdest, Funniest, Grossest Instant Noodle Anomalies

Here’s a list of odd instant noodle-isms.

1. Batchelor’s Super Noodles: Bacon Flavour

We have the British to thank for these bacon instant noodles. Pair ’em with eggs and toast and t’s actually pretty great stuff. But, you should know, the rest of the day your burps will taste like bacon. This one was sent to me by a Ramen Rater fan in England who also included about two dozen other fascinating packs with flavors such as Curry, Sweet & Sour, and Southern Fried Chicken.

2. Mexi-Ramen Soupless Ramen Shallot Teriyaki Flavor

Shallots and teriyaki? What does this have to do with Mexico? Well, the company also makes Chicken Habanero and Spicy Shrimp flavors (vaguely…Mexican). Sent to me as a gift from my in-laws in California, this was the 500th instant noodle I reviewed.

3. Rocket Brand Satoimo Noodles

Purple noodles eh? Weird. Couldn’t pass them up, and actually, they were quite good. Makes for a colorful dinner plate. Purchased these at the Seattle Uwajimaya Asian supermarket.

4. Koka’s Seasonal Ingredients

Seasonal? What’s amazing is they actually change the packets depending on the season’s availability. Fascinating for flavor packets, right? Sprinkle on the vegetable-based garnishes at the very end to add a fresh bit of crunch. Koka noodles, which hail from Singapore,are great. Another purchase from 99 Ranch Market.

5. Knorr Pizza Instant Noodles

Pizza instant noodles! Where are they from? Pakistan. Does it taste like pizza? Kind of! It’s a little reminiscent of grocery store frozen pizza. Spotted these between some expired masala instant noodles at a Middle-Eastern grocery just north of Seattle.

6. Fuku Superior Soup

I’m sure you can use your imagination as to how “Fuku” should be pronounced. The instructions on the back are pretty interesting as well—”just eat it raw,” it suggests. My sister brought this ramen back from Canada but it’s imported from Hong Kong.

7. Tiger Brand Food Onion Flaver Bowl Rice Noodles

The “flaver” on this one was horrible. It scored a zero out of five stars, which is extremely rare for the Ramen Rater. It’s from Taiwan, purchased at a Seattle-area 99 Ranch Market.

8. Mayonnaise/Mustard Packet

There’s something strange and wonderful about this dual-chambered mayonnaise and mustard packet. It’s from Japan of course, the land of packaging gods. You squeeze it together with two fingers as shown and put it on the noodles after they’re cooked. Go ahead and write your name in mayostard if you want. What’s more, it’s really good on top of this Nissin Yakisoba, purchased at a Japanese grocery in Seattle called Uwajimaya.

9. Super Bihun Goreng Instant Fried Rice Noodles

These Indonesian noodles definitely win for weirdest packaging. The image depicts a fake-looking egg and chicken drumstick haphazardly tossed in with the noodles. Their logo looks like a bomb and a heart. Found in Seattle at a great little store called Viet Wah—which has a huge selection of instant noodles and thumping dance music—these are some great noodles.

10. Baijia Instant Sweet Potato Noodle Spicy Fei-Chang Flavor

From what I’ve been told, this translates to “fatty pork intestine” flavor. It’s apparently very authentic in China’s Sichuan area but it was one of the worst ramens I’ve ever tried. Nothing about the photo looks appetizing, right?