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The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2015 Edition

After trying over 1,700 instant noodle varieties, it is expected that some of them will be on this list. Why? Well, some just make me wretch. They’re the ones that get a score of one to zero stars. Not to say that there are some folks out there who like them, but that hypothetical someone would not be myself. With that, here’s the new The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2015 Edition.

The Ramen Rater’s Bottom Ten Instant Noodles Of All Time 2015 Edition video.

#10: Unzen Mushroom Honpo Shiitake Nutritious Noodle – Japan

A reader had been looking high and low for these noodles and I helped her find where they came from. As a thank you, she sent me a pack. Well, I’m glad someone likes these, but I really didn’t. There were large pieces of mushroom in a gelatinous gravy substance, and the orange stuff was reminiscent of phlegm. Original review here

#9: Mitoku Brown Rice Ramen – Japan

While the only issue with the noodles were a little crumbly mushiness, the broth was the culprit that brought this one to the Bottom Ten yard. Bitter and earthy – like coffee grounds or dirt. Original review here

#8: Nan Jie Cun Hot-Dry Instant Noodles Chilli Flavour – China

I had such high hopes for this one. These noodles are made in the last true Communist cist in China. There’s no money! You work, you go to the store and get what you need, you go home. Fascinating. These were just plain gross; I dunno – maybe I just don’t like monotone flavors. The ingredients were good, just all came together as a pile of yuck.Original preview here

#7: Nan Hsing Vegetarian Rice Noodles – Taiwan

The noodles were akin to cobwebs – not the ones spiders make, but the fake ones you get for Halloween. The veggies didn’t hydrate well at all, and the broth wasn’t much. Couldn’t eat it. Original review here

#6: Paldo Green Tea Chlorella Noodles – South Korea

While this company makes some noodles I really enjoy, they also make this one which I deplore. It’s just got such a funky flavor to it and a smell I can’t take. Original review here

#5: Fu Chang Chinese Noodle Company Pork, Seafood & Noodles Combo – United States

The noodles in this one were really mushy, and while it had a retort pouch with meat and seafood, it was really nasty. Original review here

#4: Azami Kimchee Noodle Soup – Canada

This cup has a lot of issues. The noodles were at the lowest end of the spectrum. The ended up crumbly and almost rubbery with no character or flavor whatsoever. Then, the broth was pretty darn bland, with just a hint of spiciness. Original review here

#3: Baijia Instant Sweet Potato Noodle Spicy Fei-Chang Flavor – China

A strong ‘dirt and urine’ scent accompanied by slimy sweet potato noodles. As it turns out, Fei Chang relates to fried pork intestines. Original review here

#2: One Dish Asia Japanese Ramen Noodle – United States

This one comes with a fresh noodle pouch. They didn’t have a very fresh texture; more mushy. The bamboo shoots (which more resembled overcooked carrot and I had to consult the ingredients to figure what they were) were mushy as well. The broth had an acidic and a flavor reminiscent of the teriyaki flavor I’ve encountered in bad teriyaki instant flavors. A hot mess. Original review here

#1: Baijia Single Noble Black Bone Chicken Flavor Instant Sweet Potato Noodles – China

Here is my least favorite variety of all. Retaining it’s #1 ranking again this year, its slimy sweet potato noodles, thick, greasy broth and horrid veggies that didn’t hydrate well was just a flavor, texture, and complete food hole nightmare for me.. This was just horrible stuff that I couldn’t stand. Original review here

#386: Fu Chang Chinese Noodle Company Pork, Seafood & Noodles Combo

Well, this looks like a lot of insanity! Here we go!!!

Wait – I thought this was pork and seafood flavor, not shrimp flavor…

Pretty impressive – four packets!

So there’s the contents of that retort pouch on top – looks kind of like cat food and has the same consistency. The dry powder was chunky… The oil looked okay though and a nice amount of vegetables.

Here’s where all hell breaks loose. First off, there are no instructions included on how to cook this. At the end of the seasoning packet ingredients, notice that it has Fe in it. WHAT THE HELL IS ‘Fe?’ Also, no Red Chili Powder Packet. It’s like this product isn’t this product.

I went with my instincts; hell, I’ve had over 380 different varieties of noodles and I should be able to figure out this one’s cooking directions. I added enough boiling water to cover the noodles and all the ingredients. Guess what? The biggest insult I have ever had to deal with – the bowl LEAKS. Boiling water with oil and seasoning all over my table.  And floor. I transferred this stuff to a bowl and added a little water and covered for 4 minutes.

Click image to enlarge. The noodles were absolutely horrible. No character whatsoever. The retort stuff just didn’t work at all. The broth tasted very odd. Add that to the lack of instructions, incorrect ingredients and a leaky bowl and you get a ZERO STAR bowl of noodles. 0.0 out of 5.0 stars. What a mistake these were. Get them here.

Yes, I’m voluntarily Rick Rolling this review. You know the rules…..

And I’ve sold out to the Keyboard Cat as well.

#241: USA Canning Fu Chang Chinese Noodle Company Beef & Noodles Hot & Spicy

Well, this thing is big enough – hopefully it’s good stuff!

So the dragon pulls the cart. I would hate to be riding in that thing! The warnings of pain in store were interesting…

Clockwise, starting with the big silver one. Okay so that big silver one is what is called a retort pouch. It has some beef hanging out inside it. To its right, a packet of paste, probably where the heat is contained. I figure it is soybean paste with oil and peppery stuff. Beneath that is the soup base, and next to it are the veggies.

So something different: the directions are on a piece of paper!

Here’s everything before a water fill to the line and 3 minutes in the microwave. The goopy stuff closest to the noodle brick is the retort pouches contents of beef.

So here we are (click image to enlarge). I let it sit about 3 minutes after a good stir to get the noodles good and done and the veggies all re-hydrated. So it’s spicy and greasy and the meat is really quite good and the noodles are kind of weak. The real issue I see here is the sheer amount of broth. I’m a soupy kinda guy but the broth level was a little insane. maybe more veggies or meat or noodles – I dunno but the broth was a little much. All in all though quite a nice presentation. Interestingly enough, Fu Chang Chinese Noodle Company is a Product of the USA..  4.0 out of 5.0 stars. Get it here.

Here’s something a little more authentic.